Final installment of quotes

“I mean: God…poo.”
            -Greg, on the frustrations of switching classes.

{Lauren: Ooh, I have a cat in my pants!
Mr. Douglas: Here comes Mr. Whiskers!}

“You totally missed what we were saying while you were gone!”
            -Keegan
“My kid looks like Greg. Oh crap.”
            -Sang Hun (on genetics)
“I would but I don’t have a chin.”
            -Keegan (On America’s Next Top Model)
“It is Teacher Appreciation week…”
            -Lance

{Lauren: And who would Jesus shoot, Lance!?
Keegan: The Pharisees.}

{Lauren: Who in our class will get married?
Yun Sun: Greg and me! And we will be like a couple. Because Greg is like a girl.}

“In the record, Greg is cute.”
            -Meghan

{Greg: Well, I got best witness!
Mr. Douglas: Well, I got state runner-up!
Keegan: I got a Budweiser hat!}

(Doing “Mufasa” lips)
{Kate: You look like a who from whoville!
Lauren: You look like a ho from hoville!
Everyone: OH SNAP!}

“Why do they call them fundies? They’re not fun at all!”
            -Lance (on Fundamentalists)

{Keely: I wish I were a cat.
Lauren: Ummm…
Keely: Because cats don’t have thesis papers.
Lauren: Wow.
Keely: Unless you’re professor McGonagoll.
Lauren:…}

{Meghan: Mr. Douglas! ASK Ryan to say “caulk.”
Lauren: Um…
Meghan: ASK him. He can’t say “caulk.”
Lauren: Why would we want anyone to say that?
Mr. Douglas: Like caulking a shower.
Lauren: Ohhhh.}

“Lance! I have something to give you out of my butt!”
            -Greg
“Ryan, can I use you?”
            -Stephanie
“I make it hot for you. You know why? Because I love you.”
            -Waiter to Lauren at Roman restaurant

{Stephanie: Well, I was inside enjoying hormones!
Lauren: Dude, that’s how I spend all my time.
Dr. Woods: Enjoying hormones? That’ll get old. And we should probably finish this conversation before Mr. Corbin comes back.}

“Sugarpants!”
            -Mr. Hosier
“I don’t know about you guys, but I would much rather be someone’s concubine than have a firecracker up my vagina.”
            -Stephanie (in reference to a documentary on China)
“I was pretty naughty to the Amish people…”
            -Mr. Bree

{Keegan: We should tell people they look ravishing. Hee hee…it could be our joke…
Mr. Bree: We should tell people “You look pillaging.” Like, “I’d like to pillage you.”}

{Wes: I don’t think they get off on any theologians…
Keegan: But I do!}

“I’m going to throw a fit until you hit me with your fish-killing wrench.”
            -Meghan

{Lauren: I’m gonna go hang myself in the bathroom.
Keegan: Awesome! Can I have your headband?}

“Well frankly, all of your ideas have been rather retarded.”
            -Ryan (As Neitzsche in debate)
“If we all jump together, we can build up enough air resistance to float to the ground like a leaf.”
            -Wes (As Marx in debate)
“All of you guys should die because you are not goosepants.”
            -Yun Sun (As Hawthorne in debate)
  

Made Up My Mind

By Lauren Wilford

Just twelve kids at a table

In a frostbitten room

Just Pascal and the Bible

Our library cocoon

We laughed more than we should have

When nobody would look

We had each moment captured

Written down in our book

Thirty hours, forty weeks, three short summers

Doesn’t add up the bond that we’ve made

All the sweet funny things we discovered

All the prayers we prayed

Can you believe

What we’ve had all this time

Growing each other up

Having the chance

To make up a mind

(Melodic refrain)

In the pages of novels

We found out who we were

Dog eared pages and grass stains

Catching truth in a blur

All the hours compiling

Arguments to defend

Wasn’t harder than learning

How to nurture a friend

Should it hurt, should it make us cry

Watching everyong brrak away?

But our God’s teaching each one to fly

He gave us this day

Can you believe

What we’ve had all this time

Growing each other up

Having the chance

To make up a mind

When we look back

And it’s all left behind

In some small way,

Did I do my part

To make up your mind?

(Bridge)

Do you know when I broke

It was you who helped me be strong

Do you know that I cried

When I knew I had treated you wrong

We read things that mattered

And things that were beautifully true

Do you know that I found

The meaning of life next to you

(Melodic Refrain, Chorus)

God gave me the gift

Of having no doubt

You’ve made up my mind

You guessed it, even MORE quotes

{Mr. Douglas: You heard it here first! Mr. Corbin doesn’t believe in deodorant!

Mr. Corbin: Oh no, lucky for you guys I’m an addict!}

{Kate. I want to be corn.

Mr. Douglas: Very well. You are corn. }

“I’d rather play bocci than juggle!”

            - Lance

“Scary dogs scare me!”

            - Greg

“The wisdom in that is not there.”

            - Meghan

“Full-frontal action would be amusing”

            - Lance

“Ahh! What is this and why is it on my boob?”

            - Lauren

“Well, I would get my pulse like that, but I have a boob there!”

            - Stephanie

{Mr. Douglas: This class has issues.

Meghan: We’re Gender Bendin’ it!”}

“Deodorant is amazing.”

            - Kate

“My mole is so much fun!”

            - Kate

“Pull down your pants, Greg!”

            - Keegan

“Greg just doesn’t have one.”

            - Keegan

“Is it okay if I look like a ho?”

            - Stephanie

“My trunk can fit at least six dead people.”

            - Keegan

“Yes, because we would maliciously make up lies about you drooling.”

            - Lance

“Pubertized people should never be pitted against un-pubertized people.”

            - Lauren

“One of the BSU players chest-bumped me and I got all sweaty and wet!”

            - Ryan (on his Valentine’s Day adventures)

“I will pep you personally!”

            - Doug (on the pep rally)

“I have the best urine!”

            - Greg

“I have nutritious pee.”

            - Mikayla

“Yesterday my manager told me that my belt looks like a girdle.”

            - Keegan

{Lauren: Papayas.

Wes: Computers.

Lauren: Papayas.

Wes: Computers.

            - On the global market}

That's What She Said, or TWSS

“I’m not actually sure you’re gonna see that, but you need to know it’s there.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“You see, it’s not that hard, it’s just long.”

            - Miss Bent

“Aren’t you glad I made you do more of these?’

            - Miss Bent

Even more quotes

“Woah! It just took a dump!”

            - Lauren (in reference to a sudden flurry of snow)

{Lance: If you were my security guard, I’d be afraid of you.

Mr. Douglas: Wouldn’t that kinda defeat the point?}

“It’s one of those battleships that shoots carrots. It’s a working model.”

            - Mr. Stutzman

“I don’t think it’s appropriate for Lauren to be making comments about the magnitude of my body.”

            - Mr. Douglas (in Silent Football)

“The entire world is not dancers for Weiser.”

            - Keeganeeganeeganeegan.

“It’s like S for celebration!”

            - Mikayla

“Today is International Retard Day, also known as Keegan’s birthday.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“I would make such a cool black lady”

            - Meghan

...IN BED.

A TANTALIZING NEW PROSPECT WILL COME YOUR WAY PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	A TEMPTING PROPOSAL WILL SOON PRESENT ITSELF TO YOU PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN
A PHOTO DOESN’T CAPTURE YOUR CHARM PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	AN UNEXPECTED WINDFALL WILL SOON BE YOURS PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN
GOOD POSITION AND A COMFORTABLE SALARY WILL BE YOURS PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	Seek out the significance of your problem at this time. Try to understand.
YOU DESIRE TO DISCOVER NEW FRONTIERS PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	An interesting opportunity awaits you next Friday.
YOU MUST LEARN TO BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS, DAY BY DAY PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	You will be selected for a promotion because of your accomplishments.
OTHERS SEEK YOUR COURAGE PANDA EXPRESS – PANDA INN	Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!

And some more quotes...

“Honestly, I can see either one of you selling your souls to the devil.”

            - Mr. Douglas (about Meghan and Lauren)

{Stephanie: Ad-freaking-mire!

Lance: Em-freaking-ulate!}

“I’ll bang your buck!”

            - Lauren

{Quote from Faust:

            “You should not make

            Love to a rake

            Unless you have the ring.”

Keegan: The rake and the ho(e) can get married! Yay!

Everyone: Keegan…um…

Keegan: Garden tools are amazing…}

Mephistopholes: “Unsheath your toothpick, don’t delay;

                                       Thrust at him, and I shall parry

                                       …Thrust home!”

{Meghan: I couldn’t tell if we were done ‘cause Greg was still singing.

Mr. Douglas: Well, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings

Lauren: So Greg is our fat lady?}

Who We Think Are Hotties

Historical		Fictional
Alexander The Great	Meghan	Romeo
Napoleon	Keegan	Robert Tilney
Sir Walter	Keely	Ron Weasley
LaFayette	Kate	Demetrius
Sichelgaita	“Lance”	Medusa
Che	“Sang Hun”	Harpy
Eve	Wes	Elizabeth Bennett
Squanto	Lauren	Odysseus
David (King)	Stephanie	Cyran de Bergerac
Spiderman	Yun Sun	The Squire
Joan of Arc	“Ryan”	Calypso
Ernest Hemmingway	Mr. Douglas	Thomas Hudson
Martin Luther	Mrs. Post	Beowulf

(Blogger's note: The names in quotations refer to certain people who refused to chose their own hotties, and therefore their hotties were assigned to them by popular opinion.)

More quotes...

“Are your parents a thing that happened to you? Well, I mean, I guess you were born into them…I mean, out of them…or whatever…awkward.”

- Lauren

“My ovaries are acidic.”

            - Mr. Hosier (on the fact that the reproductive system is one of the few that doesn’t regulate the pH balance)

“Descartes definitely didn’t read Chinese philosophers, and of course they didn’t read him because that would be putting ‘da cart’ before the horse.”

            - Mr. Corbin

*Flashback to Geometry*

{Branden: What’s your password at fon.com?

Dawson: What’s fon.com?

Sid: Freak of Nature!

            (laughing, pause)

Dawson: My password is “password”

Branden: Dude, that’s like the worst password ever!

Dawson: No, YOU have the worst password ever.}

{Meghan: Yunsun has a confession to make. Involving pants.

Mr. Douglas: It’s okay, I’ve already been briefed…Ha! Haha. Get it?}

“Hello, my name is O’Cyrus. I’m an Egyptian deity!”

            - Mr. Douglas (in thick Irish brogue)

“A prune a day keeps the colon in tune!”

            - Mr. Hosier

“Boy, this is a great bibliography!...I need a new job…”

- Mr. Corbin (acknowledging reading bibliographies as rather nerdy)

“It’s like following your heart, only more interesting.”

- Mr. Douglas (on being misunderstood as “follow your pants)

“Lance’s Reading Quiz:

            10. Who is your favorite teacher you’ve had at St. Ambrose?

                        a. Dr. Bonde

                        b. Mr. Stutzman

                        c. Mrs. Post

                        d. Mr. Douglas

                        e. I’ve never owned a teacher

“Hey, if we mispronounce words, we’ll be like Picasso!”

            - Mr. Douglas

“Snap happy joy mmm-bang!”

            - Meghan (describing the end of The Tempest)

{Greg: Everyone…

Lance: Everyone, everyone, needs some Jesus in their life! (in sing-song/melodic tone)

Stephanie: I have never heard that song in my life…

Lance: That’s…because I just made it up…}

“I am far cheesier than you will ever be. Take that. I have a bread-crumbs-and-fish shirt. Would you like to come to my church on Sunday? I thought not.”

            - Mr. Douglas (criticizing cheesy Christian T-Shirts)

“Don’t touch me, soul snatcher!”

            - Mr. Douglas (discussing the freakishly long legs of a hornet)

“Arrr, Lauren be trippin’!”

            - Mr. Douglas (on Talk Like a Pirate day)

“Arr, Greg, you be a beautiful lubber.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“Please don’t put that in the book.”

            - Mr. Douglas (in reference to the previous quote)

“Keep your homade stuff to yourself.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“Let’s get Greg sick for our own entertainment!”

            - Mr. Douglas

“You know that’s how I roll. Wit my ho’s. At the hodown.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“Well you just throw down your ho/e and have a good time!”

            - Stephanie

“He’s not a God who gets caught with his pants down.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“It evoked creepage-out-ness.”

- Meghan (on Candied being a tragedy and evoking fear and pity)

“Being in Oklahoma is prostituting yourself.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“I like Satan!”

            - Keegan

“I love fat babies.”

            - Mr. Schoberg

“Shut up!...sir…”

            - Lauren (to Mr. Douglas)

Name: Ryan Caven

Age: 18

Years at School: 1.259 years

“Greg, will you prostitute yourself for us?” “Right here, right now,” “for all to see?”

            - Mr. Douglas, Lance, Lauren

“It’s not the thighs I’m worried about seeing, it’s the other things.”

            - Mr. Douglas

{Mr. Douglas: Well you know, Kate backwards is “e tak!”

Lauren: Hey, I’m the only one in this class who has a black belt in tae-kwon-do!

Keegan: Yeah, but your name backwards is nerual!"

(on athleticism in our class)}

“Well it’s about like old people-warriors…”

            - Mikayla (in regard to veterans)

“All of my glorious parts are under the table.”

            - Greg

“But I’m a freaking breast stroker!”

            - Greg

“Oh, by the way, I hate you. Your kid’s a turd. Tell him Mr. Hosier said that.”

            - Mr. Douglas (in reply to being mistaken for Mr. Hosier)

{Mr. Douglas: Tocqueville was so scared. Why was he scared?

Lance: ‘Cuz it was scary…

Mr. Douglas: That was, by far, the dumbest answer possible.}

{Stephanie: I mean, I’m not a necrophyliac.

Meghan: (intense laughter)

            (on Stephanie’s relationship with Jonathan Edwards)}

“Well, part of my nature is that I am male, but that doesn’t mean that my purpose is to exist as a male.”

            - Lance (on nature vs. purpose)

“It’s like a frog boiling you in slow water.”

            - Greg (being generally dillusional)

{Lauren; The first two stalls are for wieners!

Greg: (after laughter and some comments) Probably not the best term to use for a women’s bathroom…}

“Yeah, he was great, other than killing pointless people.”

- Lance (trying to mock Andrew Jackson and the Trail of Tears)

“It’s not in the nature of a dead lizard to bring someone joy and comfort.”

            - Mr. Corbin

“Don’t lick my face!”

            - Keely (to Keegan)

“I should go out with the Grinch! He’s like Machiavelli, only green!”

            - Keegan (being herself)

{Mr. Douglas: Grunts of agreement. Grunts of love, you might say.

Lauren: Um…no.

Mr. Douglas: Love for the book.}

{Stephanie: What did you just do?

Mr. Douglas: I jumped your man.

Lauren: Why not a woman?

Mr. Douglas: Because it kind of takes on a different meaning if I say “I jumped your woman.”}

“Oh look, someone saran-wrapped the toilet! Let’s lick it and find out who did it. Mmm, tastes like seniors!”

            - Mr. Douglas (mocking the idea of licking the toilet)

{Keegan: Oh no, my plants are over-watered!

Stephanie: There is no God!

            (being an individual upset over more rain on his plants)}

{Mr. Douglas: Now, look at his hair…”

Keegan: It’s white!!

            (describing a white marble statue)}

“Greg’s uggo is my uggo, and my hottie is Greg’s hottie.”

            - Mr. Douglas (on Plato’s Republic)

{Lauren: Ahh! Lance has a hoe!

Lance: And I know how to use it!}

“I’ve done some therapy with her other parts of her body.”

            - Lauren (about Stephanie)

“That’s what Tocquevill is about: lovin’ the hot people.”

            - Mr. Douglas

(Blogger's note: I cannot get over the amusement of Mr. Douglas saying "Let's like it and find out who did it. Mmm, tastes like seniors!" I have been chuckling to myself about this since I started writing this entry.)

9/10/08

I'm still here
- Sang Hun Lee

4/18/08

I will be back

Feb 1st 2008

I was here

- Sang Hun Lee

2008 2.1

Today is the first day of February! but no one noticed I guess. I got my new name “pantSun” by Lauren, Kate, and accommodated by Stephanie. I really like it but the bad thing is it makes me laugh so hard! Actually it isn’t bad at all! I love my new name! It’s so cool! P.s. Stephanie. Kate is acting crazy now! I am so excited to watch them! Oh, Lauren forgot that I exist in this room for a moment! But I love you!

Yunsun                                    Pantsun

To my fellow students,

(Please, as always, disregard spelling)

In case you haven’t heard yet, their is a possablity I may be leaving SACHS soon. That rumor might become reality, this past year I have made some rather large mistakes (i.e. not doing homerok, memorizing vocab, other Lanconian actions). This led to the utter distruction of my grades. It has been mandated that I must pull at least a C or better in all my coarce corce cources classes (sorry) in order to remain here. As I study for finals here tonight I am relizing how drasticly far behind I realy am. I do not knw how the next test (Greek) will come out, Ms. Heric has been more than gracious by back grading an impossibly low grade book so I might remain here. Yet without a B it will all be in vain (no pun intended) I just wanted to write this down not only to record my idiocracy so others might avoid similar fates, but to thank you all for the way you have treated me. I’ve always been an outcast, but you let me into your hearts and I thank you for that. To anyone who finds this letter before second semester, please keep it to yourself(selves). I would like to leave quietly. If this is discovered after finals and I’m still here the same still applies, this is not a public notice, it’s a personal letter between friends. I thank you again for the innumerable graces you’ve given me.

Sol de Gloria

Lance R. Haney

Laurence Redmond Haney

A.K.A. Lance

SENIOR YEAR!

“A jaunt with Shakespeare. More like a delightful romp…Me, the book, alone…in my room…”

            - Mr. Douglas

“I’m a player.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“The wipers are superior to the non-wipers.”

            - Mr. Douglas

“When you go to Rome… (yay!)”

            - Mr. Douglas

Junior Year

Already we have a multitude of rather humorous quotes, and (perhaps not surprisingly) a large percentage aree from Wes :)

“I have a vegetable inside me”

            - Wes (in reference to C. S. Lewis’ Vegetable soul)

“Let’s just call Darwin ‘Satan’”

            - Mr. Hosier (Apparently being unbiased)

“What if angels were at zero Kelvin?”

- Wes (In reference to molecules and angels walking through walls)

“I think we’re a cone. And the heavens are like the ice cream.”

            - Wes (on Ptolemy’s Universe)

“Everyday, all the happy time!”

            - Mrs. Post (Variation of the Honor Code)

“Can’t have all those tighty-whities running around Princeton. Oh, well, I guess that’s usually associated with underwear.”

            - Mr Schoberg (Racial diversity at Princeton)

“Don’t want to park at Satan’s Store!”

            - Mr. Schoberg (The evils of Wal-Mart)

“I imagine you would be a very cute stabber.”

            - Caleb (Hypothesizing about the stabbing game)

“I mean, if you think about it, Albinos are very unique.”

            - Wes (Defending his view of medieval hierarchy)

“Happy day, dance away, make fun of your friends in a positive way!”

            - Mr. Hosier (Variation of the Honor Code)

“I’m extremely skeptical as to the role of fruit in Newton’s life.”

            - A Professor in Newton’s Dark Secret

“You die after you’ve been killed. Everybody knows that.”                         

            -Wes (Killings in the Dark Ages)

“I hate chain mail. It’s so boring and stupid. I get hundreds of them.”

            -Michél (A bit of confusion on medieval armor)

“This pudding is acutely uncomfortable.”

            -Stephanie

{Dawson: When I was born, I went shopping with my mom and took a calculator to figure out prices.

Mr. Hosier: Really? When I was born, I...laid there.

Dawson: No, I said "bored."}

"Four hours at the mall. One pair of pants."

            - Wes (on the trials of having a 28” waist)

“I need a poncho! Give me a poncho!”

            - Kate

“I mean who marches with vibraphones?”

            - Mr. Stutzman (on BSU and U of I’s marching bands)

“It better be buffola!”

            - Unknown (Mr. Schoberg?)

“It does affect storms, not just your toilet.”

            - Mr. Hosier (toilets flushing which direction?)

{Thomas: Hmm, this smells like Greg.

Wes: Hah, you should steal it and put it in your pocket.

Lance: I…need to go feed my dog…}

{Mrs. Post: Hey Lauren, can you come here a second?

Lauren: Yeah?

Mrs. Post: Okay, so if I want to say to Mr. Stutzman that something is wicked awesome or wickedly awesome? Because I originally had wicked awesome, but I knew that was wrong, and I just couldn’t send it!

Lauren: No, it’s definitely wicked awesome. Wickedly awesome defeats the whole purpose.}

“Hollister is the cold wind that blows on you when you’re wet.”

            - Lauren

“Shootie patootie!”

            - Mrs. Post

The Charon

The 10^th Grade Proudly Presents

The Charon

May 2, 2007

Exordium

Intro: Kate Tracy – Student

Closing: Meghan Fulcher – Aristotle

Mr. Schoberg

Narrator: Wes Zickau

Costumes: Savannah Wilson

Sound: Lance Haney

CAST

Andrew Nerloame: Gregory Stark

Samantha Nerloame: Keegan Nitz

Jessica Spencer: Keely Riggs

Tyler DeBelner: Lance Haney

Sylvia DeBelner: Lauren Wilford

Lydia DeBelner: Stephanie L’Heureux

Act I

Scene I: The Boat

Andrew:          Don’t peek. Okay, you can open now.

Jessica:            Oh my gosh! Andrew, it’s beautiful!

Andrew:          Do you like it?

Jessica:            I love it! So this is what you do when you say you’re “working on something.

Andrew:          It’s just something I love to do. I bought this boat ten years ago, and it was just a piece of scrap metal. I love to see something come from nothing.

Jessica:            You should be so proud. It’s gorgeous. It looks like it came out of the twenties, with all the lanterns on it.

Andrew:          Well, it was based off my dad’s old boat, an antique. My dad used to take me out on it all the time. That’s where we’d go whenever he wanted to talk to me about something. I wanted my daughter to have the same thing, a place to go.

Jessica:            The way you care about your daughter is so wonderful. It seems like you put so much thought into everything you do (walks forward a bit and points at the boat) Just look at that carving! It probably took you months to put the detail in…

Andrew:          Like I said, it’s just something I love to do. I love to take the time to care about things. (Looks at her sweetly)

Jessica:            You talk about her  so sweetly. I want to see her again; it’s been a while since I have.

Andrew:          Well, actually she’s over playing at her friend Lydia’s house right now, but I need to go pick her up for dinner. Do you want to come with me to get her?

Jessica:            I’d love to.

                        (They exit together)

Scene II – Part A: The Girls

                        (Samantha and Lydia are playing with dolls)

Lydia:              Don’t the dolls look pretty together?

Samantha:       That’s ‘cause they’re bestest friends!

Lydia:              And our dolls are bestest friends because we are bestest friends. I’m so glad you moved in next door!

Samantha:       Me too! We get to play together more often now. Hey, maybe sometime we could go play on my daddy’s boat! He just finished it, and it’s really neat!

Lydia:              My daddy’s boat is pretty cool too, and I know he would let us go on it sometime. I’m sure we could do that sometime. (Pause to play with their dolls)

Samantha:       Hey, you know what we should do?

Lydia:              What?

Samantha:       We should have a sleepover!

Lydia:              Yeah, we should! I’ll ask my daddy if we could do it. Maybe this weekend, I’m not doing anything!

Samantha:       Neither am I! Do you think I could come over here?

Lydia:              Yeah, that would be awesome! Hey, there’s your daddy and his girlfriend. They’re like the prettiest couple ever, like Barbie and Ken.

Samantha:       I know, and she’s so nice, but she’s not as nice as you!

Lydia:              Aw, that’s so nice!

                        (Knocking sound on door)

Samantha:       I guess I have to go.

Lydia:              Don’t you think you could stay for dinner? I know my daddy and mommy said it would be ok.

Samantha:       I’ll go ask my daddy.

Scene II – Part B: The Confrontation

                        (Andrew and Jessica enter)

Tyler:               Hey Andrew, how’s it going? The girls have had a great time.

Andrew:          (Reserved, but not unfriendly) That’s good, I’m glad they did. Samantha, let’s go, it’s time for dinner. (To Tyler) I hope she was well behaved

Tyler:               Oh, she was great, as always.

Samantha:       Daddy, can I stay for dinner? Lydia says it’s okay!

Andrew:          (Firmly) No, it’s time to go…

Sylvia:             (Cuts Andrew off) It’s fine, we don’t mind if she stays. We were just getting ready to eat.

Andrew:          Oh, thanks, but we have dinner for her at home. Come on, Samantha. (Nods to Tyler) Tyler.

                        (Exit)

Scene III: The Discussion

Andrew:          Samantha, go wash your hands and get ready for supper.

Jessica:            What was that all about back there?

Andrew:          What do you mean?

Jessica:            Well, I just mean you weren’t very friendly towards Tyler. I thought you guys used to be best friends?

Andrew:          Yeah, we used to. We’re really not anymore. We sort of drifted apart a few years ago, and neither of us tried to fix it.

Jessica:            What do you mean by fix it? Did something bad happen?

Andrew:          Well, I guess so. Maybe we just don’t have that much in common anymore. I don’t really know.

Jessica;            (Jokingly) I think you do know. Come on, you can tell me. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t break off a friendship just because you didn’t have that many things in common. It must be something bigger than that.

Andrew:          Look, Tyler and I were best friends back in high school, and we were really close. Whatever one did, so did the other.

Jessica;            Well, he seems like a nice guy.

Andrew:          He didn’t apparently care about our friendship in high school. See, I worked really hard making this boat I wanted. It was the hardest I’d ever worked on anything before. I told him time after time how much that boat meant to me. (Hesitatingly) One weekend…without asking…he took the boat out.

Jessica:            Well, you were best friends, and you don’t like him now because he took out your boat without you knowing?

Andrew:          It’s not just that. You see, he lost control of it and crashed it into the bay. Then, when I found out, he didn’t even seem sorry. He laughed about the matter. He was just so careless. He couldn’t understand how much that boat meant to me. That is why we aren’t friends. He was just reckless, reckless enough to not even care when he wrecked my most prized possession.

Jessica:            I’m sorry that happened…what he did was horrible. But you know, today when we were picking up Samantha it seemed like he had gotten over the incident. It seemed like he had moved on while you were still hanging onto a grudge. That can’t be good for the girls to see that.

Andrew:          I know, it’s just so hard to forgive him for doing something that hurt me so much, then hurt me even more by not caring about what he did.

Jessica:            But that was fifteen, twenty years ago. People change, and it seems to me that Tyler is a great guy.

Andrew:          I have no doubt that he’s more mature now, but it’s simply his personality to be careless. I don’t even know how much he can help it, it’s just who he is.

Jessica:            You need to at least give him a chance. He did that one stupid thing back in high school, and he hasn’t been that way since. I didn’t know him back then, but from what I’ve heard, he’s changed. You need to forgive him, let it go, and move on. It will be better for both of you.

Andrew:          (Pause to think, then decidedly, with resolve) You are right. I’m going to try to forgive him. I’m going to try harder.

Narrator:          It is the next day, and Andrew has resolved to go confess to Tyler and ask his forgiveness.

Act II

Scene I: Weekend Plans

Samantha:       (Running over to Andrew) Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!

Andrew:          What’s all the commotion about, honey?

Samantha;       Daddy, can I go to Lydia’s house and play, and then play some more, and stay, and then play some more, and then stay for lunch, and then play some more, and then stay for dinner, and then play some more, and then maybe have a sleepover, and then play some more, and then maybe even stay for breakfast? Please?

Andrew:          A sleepover? No, I don’t want you to spend the night. You could maybe stay for dinner.

Samantha:       Please, daddy?

Andrew:          No.

                        (Samantha pouts, Jessica enters)

Jessica:            (Joking manner) Well what’s the matter with you?

Samantha:       Daddy won’t let me go and spend the night at Lydia’s house.

Jessica:            Is she right? I think it would be really fun for her to be able to do that.

Andrew:          I’m just not sure that I really want her to go.

Jessica:            What do you mean? Don’t you remember what we talked about yesterday? Here is an opportunity for you to let it go: let her go over there.

Andrew:          I suppose I should, he is a great dad to Lydia. (To Samantha) All right, you can go.

Samantha:       Thank you Daddy! (More slowly and sweetly) Thank you Jessica!

Andrew:          Hey, since Samantha’s going to be gone, maybe we could do something tonight?

Jessica:            I’d love to! I just heard about this new restaurant that opened up about an hour from here. Maybe we could catch a movie and go to dinner?

Andrew:          Sounds great. I’m going to take Samantha over to Lydia’s house.

Jessica:            I’ll see you tonight.

Scene II: The Meeting/Forgiveness

                        (Tyler working on his boat, Andrew enters)

Andrew:          Hey, what are you doing?

Tyler:               My boat’s having engine trouble, and I’m suppose to have a party tonight, I’m trying to fix it. (Stands and wipes hands) What can I do for you?

Andrew:          I’ve been thinking lately, and I’ve realized what a jerk I’ve been to you. We are both grown men, and I’m still holding on to a trivial childhood event. I know you didn’t mean to wreck my boat but I’ve never really let it go.

Tyler:               Look, that was years ago, I was a stupid kid and I did stupid stuff. I thought that we had put this behind ourselves.

Andrew:          Maybe you moved on, but I’ve still struggled with this. I guess what I’m trying to say is, can you forgive me for being this way for so long?

Tyler:               Only if you’ll forgive me for never trying to mend our relationship myself. (Shake hands, then stand awkwardly) Look, can I ask you a favor? Will you help me get this boat working in time for my party?

Andrew:          I guess…wait…You can use mine.

Tyler:               No, I couldn’t. I mean…I guess.

Andrew:          No, it’s okay. You’re using my boat, and that’s that. If anything, it will give you time to clean up. I have to go. Jessica and I are going for the evening, and we won’t be back until after midnight or so. The key to the hatch is on the hook inside the left window. Just bring her back and put her in the dock when you’re done. Be careful.

Tyler:               Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Have fun tonight!

Scene III: The Letter

Andrew:          (reading) “Andrew, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to explain this. All I wanted to do was…Your boat is completely wrecked…” Oh, no, he didn’t. There is no way he could do this to me a second time, not after I tried so hard to make things right. I have to see this for myself (He walks down t the docks) Oh, my gosh. Everything I worked for…it’s just a piece of scrap metal all over again. What will Samantha think? What would my father think? I cared about it so much, every detail, just to make her happy. Look at his boat. He probably put up a million dollars for it without a thought. Just like he does everything. Careless. Carless! Why?! Why can’t you give a little thought to anything? I hate you! I hate how you throw money around, how you don’t think about your friends. You don’t think about anything! The one time I chose to trust you! (Throws the lantern) (Andrew recedes a little as he sees the horrible thing he has done)

Scene IV: The Recognition

Andrew:          I’ve got to face this. (He knocks on the door. Sylvia answers)

Sylvia;             Oh, Andrew, I don’t know what to say. Tyler’s still afraid to see you. (She takes his hands, begging him. Andrew has a look of desperation on his face) We’ll pay every penny back to fix it, we promise. We’ll never ask for anything of you again. Andrew, we don’t know what to do…how can…

Andrew:          (Interrupting her) No, no, I understand. But I came here to tell you that I’ve done something…I…I’ve done something terrible…I was just so angry and desperate when I heard about what happened to my boat.

Sylvia:             Andrew, we are so sorry.

Andrew;          I know, I know. But I have to confess this. I was so desperate that I, well, I had a lantern in my hand, and impulsively, I, I just threw it at Tyler’s boat.

Sylvia;             (A little worried) So, you dented it?

Andrew:          I wish it were just that. But the fire of the lantern hit the spot where Tyler had been working on before, and it caught something in the engine.

Sylvia:             What are you saying?

Andrew:          It caught on fire so fast I couldn’t do a thing!

Sylvia:             What??

Andrew:          It burned! I didn’t mean for anything to happen, but it just hit on the right spot…

Sylvia:             Is it still burning? (Runs out of the house to look over the docks) You…you…I can’t believe you! Oh my gosh! You horrible, terrible…

Andrew;          It’s just ash and metal now, but it burned so fast I couldn’t do anything to stop it if I tried. You have to understand…

Sylvia;             How could you do that? How? (Crying frantically)

Andrew:          Hey, I’m sorry abut your boat, but Tyler did exactly the same thing to mine…

Sylvia:             The girls, Andrew!

Andrew:          What?

Sylvia;             Our daughters were on that boat!

Andrew:          What?

Sylvia:             They wanted to have a sleepover in the boat…I let them take their sleeping bags out there, their dolls…

Andrew:          I had no idea…my sweet Samantha…

Sylvia:             How could you do this! (Runs to the other side of the stage, looking out) Lydia!! (Exits)

Andrew:          (Looking out over the bay) Look what I’ve done. Look what one moment of anger did to my life. Look! I just wanted my boat to be perfect, my life to be perfect. I took a chance with Tyler, and he failed. But I failed too. I put so much value into those details that I forgot myself. I slipped into the anger of the past. I let myself go for a second, and it destroyed me for a lifetime. And now the image of my daughter will follow me into my dreams. (Exits)

Fin

Transcribed into the illustrious journal of the Fuffetti by Keegan Nitz and Stephanie L’Heureux